Oooh, shinies!

I make no secret of the fact that I don’t intend to have kids (and if you get me drunk enough, I’m happy to have a long and involved conversation about why I think it’s a bad move), however, were I the kind to inflict my spawn upon an unsuspecting world, I’d be sorely tempted to name my kid “Rothfuss”. Rothfuss Kristoff. That sounds like the name of a guy who can get shit done. Most likely by holding the earth to ransom with some kind of doomsday device, whilst petting one of those awful hairless cats.
Why would I inflict my child with a name that virtually guarantees a career in super-villainy? Because Patrick Rothfuss is a very nice man, that’s why.
When I was looking for someone to represent STORMDANCER, I was lucky enough to receive offers from four different literary agents. And, being the diligent little bitch that I am, I got the contact details of their clients, and dropped said clients an email, asking how their experiences with their agents had been. People were very polite, and got back to me promptly (even if I had to read between some lines). Anyways, I got my grubby mitts on Patrick Rothfuss’ email addy, and asked how he’d found working with the mighty Matt Bialer, and in typical Rothfuss fashion, he wrote me back this EPIC length email, with wizards and dragons and shit. But then, a strange thing happened. Halfway through this monster mail, he types “Geh. This e-mail is getting really long. I’m so tired of typing lately with all the revisions I’m doing. You want to just give me a call?”
So we chat on the phone for about an hour, and he drops some mighty wisdom all over my n00b skull. And about 45 minutes in, I learn that he’s taking the time to speak to me the day before the final draft of “The Wise Man’s Fear” is due at his editors. The DAY BEFORE. And I hang up the phone and say to myself “That Patrick Rothfuss is a very nice man.”
So anyways, many moons later, I have this amazingly original idea to give shit away on my blog to generate readership, and so I shoot Patrick an email, asking if he’d be willing to sign a copy of “The Name of the Wind” for me if I mail it over, with the intention of giving it away on the blog. And instead he mails me the swag you see pictured above. Signed hardbacks of tNotW and TWMF plus a copy of the Princess and Mr Whiffle (but he signed that to me, so I can’t give it away). With the ultra awesome added bonus of… SPOILERS. Yes. Check it:
Beneath the Rothfuss sig on the title pages of these spiffing hardbacks, lies genuine spoiler info on the content on book 3 of the Kingkiller Chronicles.
And I’ve read them.
Oh yes, my droogies. I know something you don’t know.
I’ll probably wait a little while to give these suckers away. Maybe when I have some cover news to inflict upon you, or something more worthy of conversation than “I wish people would stop talking to me in the urinal“. But yes, since I’m never having kids, I thought I’d take a mo’ to tell everyone what a nice chap Mr Rothfuss is (and, you know, he doesn’t suck too badly as a writer either, jus’ sayin’).
In other news – 2nd round edit notes on STORMDANCER are in. Should be finished in a couple of weeks – there’s nothing too major or game-breaking in there. So there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Book 2 is cranking along. I finally, finally have an act 1 and a title that I’m happy with. Were I a betting man, I’d say it’ll be finished around September. Spoke to my UK editor on the phone last week, and we were talking about surreal topics like “cover design” which got me all squirty in my gutty-wutts. Things are getting (more) exciting.
Oh, and I’ve also hooked up with a bunch of other dystopian-themed 2012 debut authors – we blog here and will be giving away much loots in addition to burning your eyeballs out with our scintillating wit and unchecked profanity.
I leave you now with words of wisdom – never let Jamaican women mix your drinks.

11 Responses to “Oooh, shinies!”

  1. LMFAO!!! ooowww! it hurts when i giggle 🙁 if it’s any consolation, i’m still too hungover for a witty reply. jacks, gingerbeer and rum is some lethal shit…

  2. I think reading this post has just overfilled my Awesome limit for the day. (Very jealous!)

  3. Shit man, that is absolutely great and I’m seeing green! O_o
    Pat is teh awesome!
    (And I’m really sorry I am slacking on returning your email 🙁 I promise I’ll reply soon but school work is absolutely killing me! X_X)

  4. Stephan says:

    Dude, you are so lucky! 😀

    • I’m lucky in that Pat gave me the copies, yeah. But one of YOU guys will get to keep them. 🙂
      Mailing them off will a sad day indeed. They might be a bit tear-stained when they arrive. 😛

      • Stephan says:

        You are lucky in that you had a long phone call with one of the coolest guys alive. And you have your own personalized copy of The Princess and Mr Whiffle. Not to forget the fact that you know the spoilers!
        See, you are a lucky man. Though I do understand that mailing them off will make you sad. I’d have a really hard time sending them away myself.

        • You know the worst thing? I haven’t even read The Wise Man’s Fear yet (I’m pacing myself, coz I know we’ll be waiting a while for part 3). So I have this big lump of temptation sitting on my desk every time I walk into the study crying “READ ME. REEEAAAAD MEEEEE!”

    I always wanted to name a kid Stone Cold. Stone Cold Simmons, that’s a guy who gets stuff done.

    • Stone Cold works – I mean, I doubt the kid is going to grow up to be a brain surgeon, but hey, it could be worse – you could call him D’Artagnan or Brooklyn or some other lame shit that assures him a lifetime of playground beatings. At least Little Stone will probably be the one ADMINISTERING the beatings.

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