Moar Loots

If you’re just here to win the free Rothfuss books and don’t care about anything else, head to the bottom of the post. I’m not crying, honestly. I just have something in my eye.
For the uninitiated:
So my debut novel is coming out in… 23 days. 18 days if you live in the UK. If you live in Australia, you lucky dog, you can apparently head to a store and buy it right now.
Its name is STORMDANCER. Some professional book reviewer type people are of the belief it doesn’t suck, and have been busy telling everyone else it doesn’t suck. Which is truly awesome.
Strangely, I found a couple of authors who thought it didn’t suck either, and actually liked it enough to blurb it for me (a blurb is essentially an author being officially quoted about the lack of suck in another author’s book). Which is even more awesome. Like, weapons-grade awesome. Shot a man in Reno just to watch him die awesome.
Wait, that’s not awesome. Poor Reno guy…
Anyway, one of these deluded author types was Patrick Rothfuss, author of the NYT bestselling Kingkiller Chronicles. Sometime last year, Pat was nice enough to send me some signed loots to give away close to my launch – the logic being if you like Pat’s stuff, you might find yourself intrigued about a book he thought didn’t suck enough to be quoted on the cover as having said “THIS BOOK DOES NOT SUCK”.
Or something. Anyways, the free shit…
So, I’m giving away signed hardback copies of THE NAME OF THE WIND and THE WISE MAN’S FEAR. Not only are these puppies signed, they also contain 100% bonafide spoilers about book 3 of the Kingkiller Chronicles, scrawled in Pat’s own bardic script right next to his signature. Yes, you read that right. May the Flying Spaghetti Monster strike me dead of screaming syphilis if I speak a lie. SPOILERS.
What do you have to do to win this jizztasmagoric smorgasbord of pure nerdgasm?
It’s real easy. Some authors make you subscribe to FB pages or twitter feeds or blogs or name your first kid Kristoff (great name for a super villain – jus’ sayin’) and fuck all that noise. You’re either going to like the sound of my book, or you won’t. If you like the sound of it, maybe you’ll sub to my FB page or twitter or whatever. That’s all grand, thank you very much, buttons are up on the top right. If you’re just here for the free Rothfuss and STFU Jay, just tell us how to win, that’s all good too.
SO, to win, all you have to do is Tweet or FB about the giveaway.
Yes. To be in with a chance to win, you have to lessen your chances of actually winning by telling other people about the competition. That Kristoff, eh? What a fucking jerk.
If you tweet, make sure you tag it with the #stormdancer hashtag so I know you did it. Eg:
Author of #stormdancer, @misterkristoff is giving away signed copies of @Pat_Rothfuss’ KINGKILLER CHRONICLES here:
Or something along those lines. Maybe something with a bit more oomph. I dunno, I’m not a writer, jesus…
…oh, wait…
If you FB about it, make sure you tag my FB page so I know you did it (you’ll have to Like the page to do so, this is FB’s rule not mine and it sucks, sorry. If the thought of being manipulated into Liking a page makes you want to stomp on babies, you can Unlike my page right after. Please don’t stomp any babies).
That’s it. Go forth and tweet. Or whatever. The winner will be drawn on Monday September 3rd. The winner will be chosen by the Random Number Generator Gods, so you may wish to butcher something small and fluffy in their names. The giveaway IS international.
No bribes accepted. Although if you promise to name your first kid Kristoff maybe we can work something out…

59 Responses to “Moar Loots”

  1. nrlymrtl says:

    Just want to say a BIG congrats to you. I’ll be looking for your book when it comes out in the US.

  2. Saying this post is hilarious is the understatement of the year. You made my zit popped with delight and I’m not even sorry for the mental image.

  3. eli yanti says:

    sounds great, hope can win
    i shared on twitter :

  4. Eliza Tilton says:

    I love a little Kristoff in the morning. You crack me up.

  5. alekcristea says:

    I can’t wait for your book! Been hankering after it since I first heard Japanese-inspired steampunk fantasy was to exist somewhere!

  6. I came here from Pat’s page, so does this mean that Pat is technically entered to *win his own signed books*!? The mind boggles!
    Sounds like a cool read, though, so I’m game.

    • Thanks dude, hope you enjoy it.
      I guess technically pat COULD win his own books back, yeah. Although that might rip some kind of hole in time and space, which would be uncool, especially two weeks before my book launches…

  7. Welshbear says:

    This made me chuckle! Makes me want to read the book. Plus if Pat says its good then hell it has to be!
    Much luck on the launch dude!!!

  8. Firyar says:

    Not only do I want to win the books, I already added your debut novel to my amazon wish list. I was pretty exited when I saw the words “dysutopian” “steampunk” and “Japan”…
    Do I get any bonus points when I name my next guinea pig “Kristoff”?

  9. Cecilia Lopez says:

    lol. Just the name of your book makes me want to read it.

  10. j. burris says:

    I came here because Patrick Rothfuss promoted your give-away…but after reading this, I have to promote your writing…even though I already have his books. You made me laugh…and incorporated the flying spaghetti monster! Awesome. 🙂

  11. Eduard says:

    If your book is written like this post you can just take my money

  12. Lisa Marie Dragan says:

    If Mr. Rothfuss says your doesn’t suck, then I am standing in line on day one for its purchase! I look forward to reading it!

  13. Nikita says:

    Well, with many thanks to Pat, I believe I have a new book to look forward to and a new author to read up on. Also – are we allowed to tweet/post on FB more than one time? Or are multiple entries frowned upon?

  14. Idun says:

    Ok, so I came her from Pat’s facebook thingie to see what he was talking about..and while I won’t try to win a signed book of his (as I NEVER win that kind of thing anyway) I am as of now following your blog and is a fan of you on goodreads, even if I haven’t read your book yet (but I will), as your writing here is awesome, so your book can’t possibly be bad. Looking forward to reading it!

  15. Apart from the epic awesomeness of free, spoilerific Pat Rothfuss signed editions of his Kingkiller books, I do believe it would be even awesomer (I know it isn’t a word, but it works for me) if you would also give away some signed copies of Stormdancer!
    I know I would absolutely LOVE to have one.

  16. Nikki says:

    Does it count if I name my next cat Kristoff?

  17. Tygenco says:

    I will happily relink the tweet–but I’m about neck deep in Math homework so I’m not going to be able to worry about winning anything.
    Also, I’m fairly certain there’s a circle of hell dedicated to torturing people with Math. Galileo must be laughing at all those who end up in it. (he did say that math was the language that the universe was written in, after all)

  18. April V. says:

    If I already hadn’t had your book on my to read list, this post would have put it there. Truly, I heard about it over at and a reviewer I trust (kindle-aholic) gave it good marks over on Goodreads so it got put on the list. Now it has moved up in rank because I liked your post and I also like Patrick Rothfuss. So, there you go.
    I’ve tweeted too (@dwndrgn), to all 30 of my groupies, who probably already know about your book but you never know, one of them could tell their uncle Bob and he’ll tell two friends, and they’ll tell two friends, and so on…

  19. kiwigirl says:

    Cool giveaway, love me some Patrick Rothfuss

  20. Dustin says:

    Does the Phat Loot package include a signed copy of Stormdancer as well? Or just the Rothfuss books. Not that Rothfuss books aren’t awesome, but I’m always more interested in reading something new than in reading something for the 7-8th time.

  21. Granger says:

    Parkway Drive. I was listening to Horizons while reading this post. I suppose that’s rather funny.

  22. Matthew says:

    Love your wit and imagery, and I am thoroughly pleased that Mr. Rothfuss pointed us this way. The world needs more books that most certainly don’t suck just as we need personal armies of trained knife-fighting monkey ninjas. I look forward to getting my hands on your book when it hits shelves here.

  23. sam baskin says:

    This looks absolutely awesome (both the loot and your book Stormdancer) just tweeted it from @books31

  24. Tien says:

    Finished reading the Stormdancer egalley yesterday arvo, Misterkristoff. I think I may drop by Dymocks today and see if they’re ‘displaying’ it early too 😉

  25. Stella C says:

    LOL. I laughed waaay too much while reading this post.

  26. Pam in Colorado says:

    My daughter, who by the way has great tastes in authors, has shared about your new book. I may be joining the fan line soon. Now to get the book to the U.S. so I can read it. Always excited for authors when their books get noticed. Hope your success is tremendous!!!

  27. *stomach grumbles* I AM HUNGRY FOR SOME PAT ROTHFUSS RIGHT NOW. And these signed books are not helping me lose weight… Thanks a lot Jay. And then you have that rocking party next week where I might end up drinking more than I usually do. Because of you. You. You. I think you should do that chatroulette again.
    😉 Thanks for the giveaway you two blokes!

  28. Monica says:

    It’s also available in New Zealand!! We have finally succeeded in getting something amazing before most of the rest of the world!! I thank thee, Jay 🙂

  29. You, my friend, is awesome. No, really. You’re awesome. Way more awesome than any comic book villain.
    I had the shittiest morning. It’s cold as hell over here in Sweden, there was some half-shitty Superman show on TV, and then my tea didn’t even have enough sugar in it.
    …Then I came here.
    Suddenly, the prospect of moving shit in a outdated truck that’s potentially lethal to drive, seems a lot better. <3 I hope your book does as awesomely as its author deserves, contest or not.

  30. Zoey Hendley-Hoge says:

    well ok, never done this b4 so why not…….(at least I got the link to this page from Pat) but you’ve made me curious about your book……and I admit, I’ve bought ‘the Name Of The Wind’ twice and had to gift it away to my best friends so that they could understand why I kept ranting about it.
    So, here goes nothing………

  31. Kerry says:

    cant wait to check this book out! if pat says it doesnt suck, it must be worth a read. maybe the random number generator gods will know that the drawing is on my birthday, and pat is my favorite author…

  32. anary says:

    I don’t know if I’m late or not or…whatever. I just can’t wait to read this book and been finding ways to have it NOW in my hands. I mean I love all the Japanese stuff, the stunts and their traditions.
    happy released day!!

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