Awards!

it's the first annual Montgomery Burns awards for... outstanding achievement... in the field of... excellence.

.

Hello droogies,

This is the mandatory holiday blog post, posted well after the holidays are over in keeping with my “too busy to scratch himself, let alone engage in bloggery, holiday-themed or otherwise” motif, which seems to be coming along swimmingly, thanks for asking. I hope you all had a splendid break and are now shuffling miserably back to your respective work unit receptacles, counting down the days to the next public holiday. Seriously, three weeks wtfffff.

To sum up the year that was, I’m reviving an old favorite and hereby vow to make it an annual experience, presuming I’m not stricken with some terrible brain-eating parasite, inherit a vast sum of money (avast, yarrr!), or simply CBF’ed next year. Trawling through the search strings that lead some people to stumble into my louse-ridden corner of the internet is always an amusing way to kill a few brain cells, and this year was no exception.

Without further ado, it’s the almost annual

MOST FUCKED UP GOOGLE SEARCHES TO HIT MY BLOG AWARDS

The entry criteria was simple: any Google search that resulted in a visit to my blog was eligible for entry, and may the Black Goat of the Woods make mildly amusing balloon animals of my large intestine if I speak a lie, I’m not making any of these up. Screenshots can be provided on request. What you don’t trust me, that cuts me deep 😦

(Dun da da dunn da da daaaaaaaaaa)

The I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS BUT IT’S STILL KINDA AWESOME award

Honorable Mentions

Knight rider world ebay pants (???)
I hate when i’m eating and a t-rex steals my chair (Me too, buddy. Me too.)
Теслапанк
Giant ass space dinosaur
Fuck the world im a unicorn (How you type so good with them hooves, bro?)
Angry squid has no time for jibba jabba (or any of your crap, dammit)

Winnah

Snape i will only drop the base once

(Once, do you hear me, Severus? ONCE! *boom**tish**boomboom*)

The DOUBLE YOU TEE EFF ARE YOU DOING ON MY BLOG award

Honorable Mentions

Angry hobo spanking homework (…what?)
Twilight moms (To the wrong place, you have come, my friend)
Doing the robot angrily
Snape obviously (Well, OBVIOUSLY)
Katie see a man and a woman standing close together at a bus stop. although they are not speaking, she perceives them to be a couple. which gestalt p… (This search string was so big it actually broke my blog’s analytics. Who the hell types that into google?)

Winnah

Sew your own pet pillows choly knight

(BEWARE THE DREAD CHOLY KNIGHT AND HIS PET PILLOWS OF DOOOOM)

The OUSTANDING ACHIEVEMENT IN THE FIELD OF SEXUAL DEVIANCY award

Honorable Mentions

Kili/Legolas slash (Kili is way too short for the Legster, kids, it’s never gonna happen)
Sexy story ffffffffuck new full squid ovies (WHAT)
I’m fucking a unicorn (Yes, but WHY?)
Sniffing saddle (So YOU’RE the one)
Bobies and vaguna (Yeah, luv dem vagunas, son…)

Winnah

Filmino erotico di ribar

(Apparently my agent’s assistant Lindsay Ribar has started shooting porno and no one told me WHAT THE HELL PEOPLE)

The SEARCH STRING OF THE YEAR award

Blogs about disappointment

(hahahah)

(. . . no waitaminute . . . )

D:

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About Misterkristoff

New York Times and Internationally Bestselling SciFi/Fantasy author, and master of drunken karaoke-fu. View all posts by Misterkristoff

12 responses to “Awards!

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