Two Minutes Hate: Airline Seating

Dear Airlines,

I understand that we are not a race of giants, and 6’7 can’t be considered “normal height” anywhere outside the locker room of the NBA, but your seats are too goddamn small. The Imp from “a Game of Thrones” couldn’t fit into these things comfortably. Of course, who’s to say if he could’ve sat anywhere comfortably, given that his brother and sister were making naughty in each other’s pants. God knows that would leave me feeling out of sorts on a divan made entirely of playboy bunnies. But if there were a place that a vertically-challenged bystander to sibling incest could rest serenely, I assure you that your bastard seats would not be it.

I appreciate that you’ve supplied me the option to pay extra money for the privilege of not sitting with my knees under my chin for four straight hours. But in the event of a crash, wouldn’t you prefer to know that it will be a freakishly tall man ripping the exit open, all bare chested and glistening*, rather than the octogenarians or plump middle-aged women who can actually afford to pay the extra cash? Are you hoping I’ll be able to leap from my plebeian seat and assist the manicured Dolce&Gabbana horse in her struggles with the emergency release? I’m sorry, I’m afraid I’ll be too busy unfolding my legs from around my fucking head.

STOP IT.

*Dramatization. May not have happened.

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About Misterkristoff

New York Times and Internationally Bestselling SciFi/Fantasy author, and master of drunken karaoke-fu. View all posts by Misterkristoff

11 responses to “Two Minutes Hate: Airline Seating

  • Manon Eileen

    Make sure you never fly with Ryanair… I’m 5’11” and I get out of the plane with bruised knees. 😦 I feel your pain! (Quite literally I guess ;P)

    • misterkristoff

      I think we flew Ryanair a couple of times when we were in Europe. The thing with Ryanair – at least it’s ultra cheap. Hard to comaplain when you get to fly across Europe for $99. Down here, it costs us $60 just to upgrade the damned seats 😛

      Woooooooeeeeee is meeeeeeeeeee

      • Manon Eileen

        Yeah could be – they’re really very cheap, which is the only reason I keep flying with them. Their personnel is pretty awful too. We call them the tourist gestapo. >.>

  • Roni


    With much love from the 5’1″ irregular flyer. Heh heh.

  • Disco Stu

    I’m with you on this one. Flew back from Spain last year and my knee made a horrible clicking noise for a fortnight afterwards (on the plus side, they had a Steven Moffatt marathon on in-flight entertainment; Matt Smith Doctor Who + Sherlock… woo!!). We also took a flight from Venice to Madrid on a budget airline and I literally couldn’t fit in the allocated seat (I managed to nab a vacant spot over the wing, but that was a sheer fluke). Sometimes I dream of a world where emergency exit seats are be reserved for people with an actual need rather than first-come-first-served. I suppose the trade-off is when it comes to seeing bands at concerts or finding handholds on public transport, I win.

  • brad

    I hear you bro. I basically cram myself into the seat for the 4 hour flight across the country.

  • KK

    Nice work Google. The adword on this blog page is for cheap airline tickets 🙂
    Oh, and from someone about a foot shorter than you – HaHa!

    KK

  • Peggy Blair

    “You’re sitting. In a chair. IN THE SKY.” Love it.

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