Monthly Archives: August 2010

lil’ Scotty

Saw Scott Pilgrim vs the World last night. The verdict? It’s was okay.

Didn’t rock my world, didn’t suck. 7 out of the 9 nerds I went to see it with liked it, so I’ve been wondering why it didn’t grab me by the reproductive organs like everyone else I was with. The conclusions:

1) The video game nerdery belonged to another time. It’s a movie about teenagers, presumably for teenagers, but all the video game references are only really going to be accessible to older gamers of the heady mid 90s’ SNES/Megadrive variety. The universal logo at the top (which I though was hilarious) is the case in point – anyone who hasn’t played 8-bit (and who the fuck would nowadays, given the current options in video games) just ain’t gonna get it.

2) Ramona was a bitch. She was cute, had funky hair. So what? She’s a snob. She’s laden with baggage. I would fight seven evil super-powered exes for this girl why? Because she’ll strip down to her underwear and then tell me “I’m not going to sleep with you”? Nahhhhhh….

3) The music. I hate Beck tunes. Like, with the ‘fury of a thousand suns’ brand hatred. Way too many musical numbers during the flick, of a flavor that I particularly despise. Every time Sex Bob-omb started playing, I was torn out of the moment and found myself flinching in my chair like a PTSD sufferer. Why not get Billy Corgan to write the tunes? The costume dept sure thought he was the duck’s nuts, given the amount of Pumpkins merch splashed about the set.

4) Micheal Cera. I just don’t dig him. I didn’t like Arrested Development, or at least, the parts I did like had nothing to do with Cera. I didn’t get what all the fuss was about in Juno. I find him him whiny and weak and affected, and he pretty much plays the same character in everything I’ve seen him in. Sure, this is probably the fault of typecasting and directors and whatnot, still doesn’t make me enjoy watching him on-screen. Thus, any flick where he’s playing the lead is probably gonna be pushing shit uphill for me.

5) I felt like I’d seen the film already. Entirely the fault of the marketing dept, but if you watched all of the SPvstW trailers prior to seeing the film (which I did) you’ve seen most of the funny lines and best parts. The trailers were actually edited a little better in some scenes and funnier as a result (the scene where Lucas Lee curbstomps Scott, then turns to Ramona and says “How’s life? (nod to Scott) He seems nice…” made me giggle in the trailer, but I didn’t blink in the actual flick). The big fight scenes, the one-liners, the video game gags, I’d seen 90% of it before I ever set foot in the theatre. Symptomatic of a wider problem with movie trailers in general, I know, but SP really suffered for it in my eyes.

All that said, it was a brave film, and could have been all over the shop. Plot was coherent, action scenes were neat, and the gags were funny (the first time I saw them at least). It’s a shame the box office was so poor, because , for all its faults, SPvstW certainly broke the mould.

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The boys who cried meme

So yeah, this little gem was flying around Twitter yesterday and the free world was intensely butthurt to discover this morning that the ‘meme’ is a lie. Brothers Leo and John Resig had apperently succeeded in their admirable goal of bullshitting the entire western world with a white board.

The intent of this fabulous jape? According to bro#1:

“We didn’t do this for the media. I’d did it almost to prove to myself that I had it in me, to make something go viral at 4:30 in the morning before the world wakes up. You get a pure thrill of watching your site go from 15,000 uniques to 440,000 uniques in a single hour, watching yourself sucker every site from a-z who didn’t do their backstory.”

So they didn’t do it for the money. This in a way would be almost admirable, the kind of harmless short con which nets some neat advertising revenue and everyone get a LOL from. Fair enough. But no, they did for a giddy little thrill of watching their numbers go up and to “watch themselves sucker every site from a-z who didn’t do their backstory”. To sucker people. To punk them.

Awesome?

So yeah, I guess these dudes are cleverer than 99% of us, because let’s face it, most us believed it. Or at least smirked at the thought, forwarded onto some friends and then immediately forgot about it. And therein lies the rub, and the ultimate failing behind this fantasmagorical sucker punch. Because lets face it, nobody gave enough of a shit about this article to “backstory” it. If someone sends me a funny gag, or a funny photo or whatever, I’m not so anal as to call First Advantage before I permit myself a chuckle. I chuckle and move the fuck on.

My basic, default setting is that most people tell the truth most of the time. If an old man runs up to me in a crowded street and says “My wife is having a heart attack, can you call an ambulance?” I’ll probably call the ambulance without much thought. Sure, if the prince of the Congo emails me and tells me that he has 50 mil in untraceable bearer bonds in a swiss vault, and needs my credit card number to pay for the cab to get there, and then we’ll split fifty/fifty, I might be all like ‘waaaaaaaitaminute, Congo ain’t no monarchy, foooo, I’ve seen When we were kings…”

If someone sends me an email with some chick quitting her job by whiteboard, I say “elohel” and move onto the next email. And if I get punked occasionally, does this make me more wary about the world in general, temper my doe-eyed optimism with the knowledge that not everything I read on the internetz is true, and proceed a little more cautiously from now on? Or do I just decide that the person who punked me is a dickhead, and never read/believe anything he says again?

In other words, who ended up the sucker in the end? The villagers, or the little bitch who had all his sheep eaten?

Bravo lads!


100% Rock

Got my first partial request for Storm today. Two days after I sent out my first queries. Can you smell what I’m cooking?

(Edit: Aug 8 ) – Full request from another agent arrived this morning. Aww yeah.

Saw Inception last night, btw. It killed.

uoy ekil skool dneirflrig s’dneirflrig yM


Fizzy gussets

Back away slowly, avoid eye contact.I haven’t read Twilight. I haven’t seen the movies. I don’t consider this to be ‘closed-minded’. Just as I know I wouldn’t enjoy sitting down to slit my wrists in front of the first season of Glimore Girls or the new Pink album, I know I wouldn’t enjoy Twilight. I am not the target market, being that I am not the owner of a set of ovaries or raging hormones. I think everyone is comfortable with that.

I accept that this means I’m not really in a position to criticize the books or films (christ knows there’s enough peeps already doing that, and when you sell 80 million copies, you gotta be doing something right, yeah?). But the Twilight ‘phenomenon’? You bet your ass I can lay the smack down on that shit.

So I sat down to eat my breakfast the other day, and somehow the TV was on and an Oprah ‘Eclipse’ special started just as I began choking on my Weetbix. Terrifying. Not the screaming horde of teenaged girls – screaming girls are fine, they’ve been doing it since Beetlemania. We all do crrrrrazy things when we’re young; I have a criminal conviction to prove it (and yes ladies, going bananas over a fictional boy, no matter how sparkly or well-defined his abs are is kinda loco, but it’s all good).

But the mothers. Jesus H Christ on a bicycle. Imagine Colonel Kurtz whispering those words, lying bloated in a pool of his own blood, all machetefied.

“The mothers… the mothers…”

Forty year old women literally fizzing in their gussets. Just publicly losing their shit. They showed a clip of this one lady who was holding a little Eclipse launch party in her condo, complete with red cordial ‘blood’ in wine glasses and whatnot. She took the camera crew down into her dungeon where she’d set up a tribute shrine to Edward Cullen. Life-sized cardboard cutouts. Framed photos staring moodily from the walls, flowers, this weird little altar thing. Some serious pagan chops going on here. And I got thinking, ‘How would I feel if I was married to this fruitcake?’

Seriously, you invite the lads around for some Friday night poker, take them down to the basement for some brews and a few rounds of NLTH, and there’s a goddamn shrine to another man in there. A fictional, sparkly vampire man, no less.

In theory, by all laws of civilized society, these ‘Twilight-Moms’ should be pariahs. Look at the expressions on the faces of the women in the pic above. It’s akin to fucking rapture. Imagine for a second if the gender roles in this scenario were reversed – a pack of 40-year-old dudes, baying like howler monkeys for some 20-year-old piece of T&A. Lining up around the block to see her movies. Setting up little hand lotion shrines in their basements. Taking their sons along to ogle the warez. People would call the fucking police.

In all seriousness, men who behaved this way would be viewed as at least deeply morally suspect for it, if not outright ostracized by their peers/co-workers/families. So how the fuck is it acceptable for these women to do the same?

Now I’m not turning this post into a gender role equality thing. Frankly, I don’t give a tinker’s cuss what these women do. They’re entertaining in a wide world of sports kind of way. Horrifying, cringe-worthy, laughable, a beautiful illustration of the absolutely ridiculous nature of our species. But I try for just one second to put myself in the shoes of the poor bastards these lunatics are married to, having to endure pre-pubescent mania from a 40-year-old with a shrug and an embarrassed little smile to their friends. And when I do, I can’t help but feel a little bit sad.

.elkraps t’nod nem laeR


Finitooooo

Storm is finished. Yowza. Came it at a clean 80k, well before my self-imposed September deadline, and I’m fucking proud of it. It feels real and fresh. We’ll see what the world thinks of it. I’ve started querying folks, the A-bomb still has to run over it with a fine-toothed comb for grammar and word/phrase repeats, but that’ll be done by the time anyone gets back to me anyway.

The query reads pretty well, I think, a good amount of ‘voice’ and a reasonable spiel on the central themes. Always hard to condense a book into a page, but hey, that’s why we make the big bucks (howls of derisive laughter, Bruce).

Still waiting on Fulls/Partials for COLD. I’ve discussed the idea of Storm with 2 of the 3 agents with Fulls and they dig it. One has asked to see Storm ASAP, the other is still only looking at COLD atm. So that’s all good. Still tired of waiting though, zzzzzz.

Watching the second season of Being Human atm – The acting is tip-top, but they seem at a complete loss with what to do with the ‘Annie’ character. Mitchell seems to get the most attention from the writers, whether that’s vampire chic or them tight jeans depends which fleece you switch, I guess. After BH is done, the A-bomb and I dive head first into five seasons of ‘The Wire’ – highly recommended by folks I trust. Expectations are haaaiiiiii.

And seriously, what da FUK is going on over at achewood?

Listening to: Check my funky new sidebar